sugar coated angst.

yay! it's tuesday. 

Tune in Tuesday, that is. 
and i know i probably say this every week, but seriously. this week the tunes are amazing.
as always, let's begin with a little story/explanation. shall we? do let's.

okay. so let's get serious for a minute.
i was a weird teenager.
i recently stumbled upon a whole stack of my old year books from middle school up through my senior year of high school. it's always fun to go back and look through them and laugh at all the many flavors of awkward there are in the world. and it's fun to remember the days like prom-the single most important day of the junior/senior year. it's funny how it seemed that one day somehow controlled the cosmos and held the earth in its place. anyways, i also really enjoy reading the things people wrote in my year books. 
side note: H.A.G.S? really? was i the only person who found that more of an offense than a summer salutation?
i mean..whatever. 
upon reading through all these year book signings, i determined one thing about my teenage self.
i was sweet.
and this is what people, above anything else, felt they should write in my year book at the end of each year. sure, there were other "i'll never forget that time in Biology..." or "i'm so glad we had 3 classes together this year" or "(insert inside joke that really isn't that funny here) LOL! LOVE YA!" comments, but above all, or intermingled in those other ones, almost every person wrote some comment about my sweetness.

and i think i was a genuinely sweet person.
i really did try to be a good friend to every one. 
i tried to be a pleasant person to be around. 
and i suppose i did a good job at it.
but there's a part of me that laughs at those comments.
because i feel like i had a sort of alter-ego in those days.
it's like from 8:00-3:00 Monday-Friday i was Katie Mormon. (yes, a good friend did, indeed, forget my last name and blurted out Katie Mormon. nice.) i was always willing to summarize the last night's reading to anyone who was too busy/lazy to read it. i always pulled the weight in group projects. i tried to help people as much as possible and provide tampons to those in need. i really was sweet. 
i wasn't hot. gosh,no i wasn't hot.
i was sort of chubby and i wore a uniform and unless you were smoking hot, no one was really ever "hot" in uniform. 

this was me on my first day of my senior year. oh, the uniform.

i wasn't popular.
heavens, no i wasn't popular. i didn't go to a single party my entire high school career. i didn't even get asked to prom either year. but i had a few good friends and people knew me and knew who i was. (however, there were only 400 kids in the school so it was sort of impossible to not at least know of every one.)
but really i was just me.
i was sweet.

until the bell rang and i was in my car, driving the 30 minute drive back to my house.
and at that point-i was angsty.
and i really don't know why.
my parents were together and happy.
my family loved me and we weren't poverty stricken.
i believed in God and all in all, i was pretty happy with the cards i had been dealt.
i hadn't been jaded by unrequited love or fake friendships. (that came later.)
the only thing i really had was a private school that i didn't fit in or out of and "weird" morals that sort of set me apart from everyone else and kept me from living the "normal" high school life.
but even that didn't completely justify my angst.
i just remember feeling like i was different but i didn't know how to be different.
i felt like there was more to me than just "sweet". but i didn't know how to express or portray it.
every day i felt like i would go crazy if i walked by one more car that was blaring DMB. 
(don't get me wrong. Dave Matthews Band is incredible. but i could only handle so much uniformity in my life.)
and all of that feeling i had came out in my music. 
and when it was just me, alone in my car--i was not about to turn on the radio and listen to what everyone else was listening to. i was way too emotionally emo for that. 

so today i am sharing with you the music of my high school days.
the songs that i heard live at the Warped Tour.

me and the lead singer of Mae. yes, i thought i was cool in my old, goodwill t-shirt.
warped tour 2005

me and my friend catherine and a "trying to make it" band. yes, we kissed them. stop judging me.

the songs that guaranteed friendship if someone else liked the song. 
(i honestly think it's what sealed the deal and allowed me to be best friends with my biffle, brittany.) 

me and brittany. april 2005. 

the songs that the boys i liked had to like, too in order for me to like them. (make sense?)

this was alex. he was in a band and that, in addition to his hair and his body type was all i needed to form a crush that lasted a number of years.

the songs that i could scream to.

the songs that i could cry to.
the songs that were  much more than just "sweet".

it was in high school that i really felt like music was a friend to me.
and these were the songs that solidified that friendship.
these songs understood me, they were real and raw. they had meaning and i understood them.
they were never on the radio. no one i knew at school had ever heard of any of the bands.
and if they had heard the songs, they would have hated them.
and the hipster cat in me loved that.
these were my jams. 


 
and you guys, there was a time-in a world outside of savannah christian high school, outside of savannah completely-where other people felt the same way as i did. and they listened to the same music i did. and there was a time and place where i was actually sort of a cool kid. just sort of.
and these are the songs that take me back to those glory day. 
and when i met garrett and when i found out that his ipod was almost an exact replica of mine-i think i felt the first tinge of love.
my whole life i had pictured what my future husband would look like, and i'd be lying if i said i didn't picture him with a sweet iPod and a TBS t shirt on.

and look. there he is. oh, hey cute boy. i like your bleached hair.
taking back sunday concert; march 2007

so take a listen to my alter-ego soundtrack. 
take a trip down my memory lane.
taste the sweet, punk-band angst of the mid 2000's.
it's incredibly sweet.

love,
kate.

lyrics: we got older, but we're still young. we never grew out of this feeling that we won't give up.

roommates.

i was super lame last week and only blogged one time. hardly acceptable.

i'll do better this week. and i'll try to snap a picture or two. since i haven't done that even at all in like two weeks.

i would do a weekend update post, but my weekend was mostly just doing hair appointments, cleaning, little errands and blog design. nothing special there. 

so let's talk about something else.

the closer and closer we get to leaving for Utah the more i find my mind wandering off into memories of the past and the really fantastic times i had while living there in my college days.(and by college, i clearly mean hair school and a little bit of college.)

true, i had quite a few not so fantastic times there, too. but the mind is a marvelous, self healing organ and it tends to send those memories to the back and bring the good ones forward. also, therapy and several hundred prozac played a part in that healing process. so there's that.

anyways. 

when my mind goes back to my "college" days, i remember the two apartments i lived in.

these were my first homes away from home. the year before i moved to provo i was living in dorms. and while i feel experiencing dorm life is just an absolute essential rite of passage, it doesn't really give you a chance to make it your own. it's hardly a place to call home. 

but these apartments were different. they were home. they felt as much like home as a place could without it actually being the house i grew up in.

i cycled through eleven roommates while living in provo. some of them were incredibly good friends. some of them were super annoying and had really obnoxious habits that made me want to scream. like, i'm sorry it's 6:45 am and you are running up and down the stairs like someone has started a small fire in your panties. and you slam the front door like an angry teenager fighting with her mother. every. single. day.
...
some were quirky and odd. some were downright disgusting. pretty sure one could have had her tiny, private bedroom made into an entire Hoarders episode. one, i'm fairly certain, was still attached to her mother via umbilical cord and was almost never seen not on the phone with mommy dearest. one turned making out with her fiance into an olympic sport. and it was about as awesome as shuffle boarding to watch. one cooked food that smelled like Alpo. and one fell down the stairs in front of a whole room full of people and i laughed so hard i had to walk outside because people were judging me. (also, i just spent 5 straight minutes wheezing and gasping for air and trying to tell that whole story to garrett. seriously hysterical.)

one of them was with me the whole time though. she was (and is) my best friend and we were fortunate enough to be able to live together without wanting to kill each other. it's a delicate balance, living with your best friend. we took a risk of ruining everything the day i moved into our first apartment. i was brand new to Provo. she had already lived there two years. she had friends and a life and she could have easily found reasons to regret inviting me to live with her. but she didn't. 

us. 2007.

and together she and i experienced all of the weird or funny or fantastic roommates who came and went. 

i love my current roommates. if you don't know how much i love garrett and gilly then this is probably your first time reading this blog. i love them. i love being a wife. i love gilly in a way that makes people judge me. like, i would put a bonnet on her and push her around in a little pram if i could. i love my current roommates. 

but that doesn't mean i don't miss my past ones and all the fun i got to have with them. 

i miss living room slumber parties. i miss pushing the couches together and creating a giant crib of sorts and watching Disney movies/America's Next Top Model for hours on end. i miss getting ready together. i miss late night kitchen conversations. i miss game nights and movie nights and the insignificant things that would happen that would make us literally roll on the floor in laughter. i miss late night trips to walmart. i miss party going and party throwing and evening walks through town. i miss knowing that i only had to take a short trip through the apartment to get to my best friend's door. i miss being able to be with them in their hard times. i miss crying with them or making them laugh. i miss them crying with me.


i miss halloween shenanigans.  

i miss the festival of colors.

 

i miss walking to classes together.

i miss making these faces with these people.

for the record, this one was blown up and framed in our apartment.

and this one was taken on sarah's (center) wedding day.

i miss random acts of weirdness.

like the giant spoon of 2007.

and the time we went tandem bike riding.

and the time brittany came home at 2am with a turkey in her purse.

and that time our makeup was too dark.

and the time we tested the theory of mayonaise being a good deep conditioner.

and the time we stuck fries up our noses. in public.

and the time we had to plunge our sink.

and the time we bought roller blades on a whim and roller bladed our way through the entire city of Provo. 

and the time we got super christmasy and made a christmas cake.

and the time we played messy twister. 

i miss going to special events 

like my very first BYU football game.

and our close friends' weddings.

and temple square at christmas.

and to graduations, of course.

there will forever and for always be a special little place in my heart for my roommate friends. 

i faced some difficult stuff while i was in provo. my life took weird turns and plans i thought i could make for myself didn't work out. i sent garrett on a mission. i attempted to wait for him. i dated. i moved. i completed hair school. i started college again. i went from blonde to red to blonde to brown to bronde and back to blonde again. i went through a breakup so brutal it could have made history books. i met a buttload of boys who were all total jerks and treated me like a piece of crap. and i know in all of my drama i wasn't the best friend or roommate to them. but they stuck around. and saved my life. and forgave me. and loved me. and in all of my personal turmoil, they were my home. 

and that's what i remember when i think about my utah times. i remember fun filled days and late night laughter. (and no, i did not intend for that alliteration to be so perfect.) i remember my roommates and the friends we made and the fun we had together. the mind is a marvelous, self healing organ that sends bad memories to the back and brings good ones forward. but it definitely helps when the memories coming forward are as good as the ones i have. 

i know my summer in utah will be different this time around. and that's fine. i'm different. my life is different. but different isn't bad. and i just hope i can make a few memories as awesome as the ones i already have as i get to reunite with a few of my very favorite roommates.

two more weeks!

love,

kate.

lyrics: long live all the mountains we moved. i had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.

not even sure how to pronounce it.

want to know something totally not interesting?
i've been blogging for over 4 years now.
four.
that's a super long time in the blog world. 
but it wasn't really until this last year that i started putting real effort into making my blog something that not only i read.

last summer i tried really hard to make it all happen, but the whole not having a computer thing put a serious cramp in my blogging style. but for a short amount of time, i was able to blog regularly enough to qualify for a handful of Liebster Award nominations. holla!

but here's the thing: i don't have a flapjackin' clue what a Liebster Award is exactly. i mean if there are nominees does that mean there's a winner? i just don't know. but i do know it means something good and that people like reading your blog. 

and i do know that it's basically a really fantastic way for new readers to get to know you a bit better. 

Miss Elle over at Life on Countryside and i are working together on re-designing her blog and, after having been nominated herself, she was thoughtful enough to nominate me for this tender Liebster Award again. 

and i think that's pretty awesome because 1) she's pretty awesome. 2) i have some new followers that might just like to read some random crap about me. 3) i always enjoy writing random crap about myself. #narcissist 

so let's get on with it, shall we?

RULES:

1. Link back to the person who nominated you

2. Write 11 facts about yourself once nominated

3. Answer the 11 questions from the person who nominated you

4. Come up with 11 questions for your nominees!

this was a totally candid picture. Tyra just always taught me to be on my game. 

(eleven facts)

1. i used to have super healthy hair down to my booty. 

2. i'm allergic to cats. (my friend's cat slept an entire night on my face one time. my eyes were swollen shut.)

3. i have super vivid and incredibly real dreams every single night. and i remember quite a bit of them.

4. my english teacher accused me of plagiarizing a paper my junior year of high school because, "No teenager can write this well..". (ps. i didn't plagiarize the paper.)

5. i have a really high pain tolerance. 

6. i love drugstores. 

7. i sleep with my baby blanket and a white noise app.

8. i don't particularly love flowers. i like seeing them. but i think they smell weird and i don't like them to be given to me as gifts. and i didn't have any in my wedding.

9. totally weird/gross, but i really love popping zits.

10. i shave my legs at breakneck speeds.

11. i know every single word to It's The End of the World as We Know It by REM.

(Elle's questions)

1.If you could be one animal what would you be and why?

one animal? that's tough. because i would love to fly like a bird, climb trees like a squirrel, float about like an otter and sleep like a dog. can we just call that my answer? i don't do well with specific answers.

2.  What is your favorite candy?

i love a lot of candy. most every tooth in my head is a Sweet one. but the Mini Cadbury Eggs are sort of the most amazing things ever. but when those aren't in season, i love any candy with peanut butter.

3.  What would your Super Hero name be and what is the super power she would have?

i would want to be able to apparate (or teleport, for all of you non-harry potter fans). my name? On Time Girl?

4.  When is your Birthday and what is your sign?

i'm an Aries. but i can't say much else about my birthday before becoming totally riddled with anxiety about getting old.

5.  Nike or Puma?

Nike. 

6.  Favorite book you have read in the last 6 months?

favorites are so hard for me. i read Little Women for a Book Club i'm in and i really just love the wholesome simplicity of it.

7.  What kind of phone do you have?

my phone is dead. the real kind of dead. thanks for bringing it up. 

8.  Who was your first crush and why?!

i had a crush on a boy named Tyler in the 2nd grade. he had pretty blue eyes and he was kind of a goof. apparently my taste didn't change much.

9.  Socks or Barefeet?

my house is ancient and has next to no insulation. even when it's warm outside, my house is cold. so i wear socks a lot now. but i usually prefer bare feet.

10.  Who is your hero?

i guess when i really think about it, i have quite a few people i would consider heroic in my life. but the two that first come to mind are a Professor i had at BYU who taught me a lot about myself, depression, and what i was worth. and my best friend. she saved me from an unbalanced former roommate of mine who was legitimately stalking me. high speed chase down the freeway style. that's pretty heroic, no?

11.  Why do you blog?

i began blogging because i wanted to remember my life. i felt very strongly that i needed to document it-the good, the bad and the ugly. and now, four years later, it's still the same. the only difference is that i tend to think that maybe other people should maybe read what i have to say, too. just because i don't think my life is just for me.

questions for my nominees.

1) what is your greatest accomplishment in your life thus far?

2)  what are your top 3 pet peeves?

3) you're at a dessert buffet with everything sweet and delicious and desserty you could imagine. what do you go for first?

4) if your life were a reality tv series, what would your theme song be? why?

5) what is your ultimate dream job?

6) what is the funniest thing that has ever happened in your life?

7) which celebrity do you think you would/could be the best of friends with?

8) what is your biggest fear?

9)  do you have any scars? if so,what are they from?

10) what would your patronus be? 

11) what would be the best invention ever?

and i'm nominating:

Kelsey @ Stories of Kel

Lisette @ Northern Belle Diaries

Myranda @ Pretty Living PDX

Laynah @ Those Creepy Crawleys 

Anna @ Ever So Anna 

Tess @ The Framed Lady

love,

kate.

lyrics: i'm a little bit shy, a bit strange and a little bit manic.

a van down by the river.

you may or may not know that last sunday was the MTV movie awards.
but garrrett and i spent sunday at my parent's house watching multiple episodes of both The Office and How It's Made with my dad and eating way more candy than i care to admit.

side note: umm..i love How It's Made. a lot.like a whole lot. and there are 7 seasons on Netflix for you to watch endlessly. so you should do it.

anyways, so we didn't watch the movie awards sunday night. but since mtv provides countless reruns of things like award shows for the next month, we were able to watch it monday night.

in short, these are my thoughts:
1) the crowd was weirdly dead. like no one was laughing. and granted Russell Brand's monologue was a bit sketchy in places, some of it was pretty funny and i thought it was weird that no one in the audience was laughing. i suspect they were all busy tweeting about the events.

2) i really hate the awkward acting dialogues that go on between the presenters. these people are supposed to be actors. their lame presenting is a real downer on their resume. and since i'm an obvious important opinion within hollywood, i think that's saying something.

3) i was pleasantly surprised and quite pleased with how well Fun. and Wiz Khalifa performed live.

4) i object to Breaking Dawn getting Best Kiss (and even more i object to Kristen Stewart's acceptance speech. i suffered severe secondhand embarrassment because of that speech.) and as much as i love, love, love The Hunger Games (and you know i love The Hunger Games) i really feel it should have gone to Harry Potter for one reason: it was 10 years in the making.

5) i love Emma Stone.

source

not only is she beautiful and funny and classy (the trifecta of female qualities that are about as rare as a two dollar bill) but she is gracious, too. and when she was given the first ever Trailblazer award, she was kind and lovely and she accepted it with tears and gratitude (which is a far cry from Kristen's aforementioned acceptance speech). and pretty much ever since i heard  her speech, i have been dwelling on something she said and positively loving it. and if i were graduating in 2013, i would use part of it as my senior quote.

here is my favorite part: “But that you’ll continue to harness your own originality and what makes you unique 'cause I know that when you’re a teenager — sometimes when you’re an adult — what sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it’s not. And a lot of the time, it’s what makes you great. So I kind of sound like I live in a van down by the river right now". 

....not much i can say after that except amen, sista. and i love you, miss stone for your fearlessness and individuality. and i love, love, love that she made a reference to Chris Farley's motivational speaking character, Matt Foley.

and thanks, emma. you're a real gem.

love,
kate.

lyrics: in the religion of the insecure, i must be myself, respect my youth.