love is in the air.
and apparently so are allergens, because this nose of mine is going places with all its running.
today is wednesday (free slice wednesday, that is) and considering the annual celebration of love is upon us i have chosen to make it the theme of this free slice wednesday. a free slice of (a look into my) love life.
i've never really been one for valentine's day.
when i was younger it was just another candy-bearing holiday. i couldn't complain, but it didn't really do anything for me. the most i ever got from valentine's day then was a handful of m&m's and a slight anxiety attack as i debated over what the best valentine for my crush would be.
in middle school i wore an ugly pink ribbon in my slicked back pony tail on valentine's day.
in high school my parents would send me flowers. i loved it.
but i won't lie-i always thought it would be fantastic to get called to the front office to pick up a gift from a secret admirer, too.
judge me. i don't care.
at SVU Jon Bryant asked me to be his valentine. mostly as a joke.
but he did give me a cup of hand made flowers spritzed with cologne and one of the most incredible mix tape cds i have ever encountered.
i'm sure there were others who had more thrilling valentines day experiences while they were in college. but they're missing out on 14 awesome jams and and a Jon Bryant autographed valentine's day card. and since Jon will someday be famous-i still have it.
and until husband came home from his mission, Jon was my only real valentine in 18 years.
last year was the first time i got to smooch someone on valentine's day.
but since we were engaged, (very) poor and my mom was visiting-we didn't do anything.
correction. the three of us (and also brittany) watched the blindside.
you may be wondering what happened on the valentine's days between Jon Bryant and the Blindside.
well, my first v-day in Provo i went to school. to the gym. and then to my room-where i felt listless and lonely and wrote garrett letters telling him just that. it could be worse though...brittany got hit by a car. :]
the next valentine's day in Provo is one i don't care to highlight.
at that time i was dwelling in a different world called rock bottom. i try not to remember a lot of that time because it was mostly very painful and sad. but i do remember getting a Transformers valentine from the boys in my FHE group. and i remember smiling. which was a big thing for me at that time.
so there you have it. a big, messy and lamentable slice of (a look into my) love life.
in a few days i will experience my first valentine's day as a married lady. i don't think it will be very different from last year. probably just pizza and a movie. and that is a-okay with me.
and while this isn't the only time i have publicly expressed how much i love my husband, recent events have made me realize that maybe i don't do it enough. not just on here. but to his face.
since the move from utah to georgia i haven't quite been myself. i've been unbearably stressed and overwhelmed. more often than not i've been short and snappy with garrett and the lovey-dovey things i used to do have just taken the back burner to finding a job, paying bills and the like.
remember that funk i mentioned i was in?
well, it was my breaking point. and half of my crying was because of my usual stress. but the other half was the overwhelming feeling that i was such a bad wife. for over a month all i did was snap and cry and roll my eyes. poor husband. what did he ever do to deserve that?
after eating an entire humble pie, saying some prayers and one of those mom conversations (that makes you cry) i made some changes. i shifted priorities. i made a few personal decisions.
and the next day i woke up feeling completely new.
all i could think about was how much i loved garrett.
and every time i would think about jobs, money, bills, the future and blah blah blah i was overcome with a very definite feeling of love and gratitude for my garre bear.
i don't know how he put up with me so well, but i am grateful he did.
and all of this happening right now is very fitting considering the upcoming holiday.
i'm glad i was able to step out of my chaos and remember how much i love that boy.
because that's all that really matters.
and i would much rather be overwhelmed with love for him than be overwhelmed with stress over things i can't control.
last night garrett went to bed early. because he had work in the morning. (yes, the day after all of this new-me awakening, garrett got a job.) i stayed up to watch the season premiere of My Life as Liz (because it is just too horrible for me to not watch). As i headed to bed i passed our table where garrett had been crunching numbers and working out our budget. i picked up his pen and very quickly scribbled an i love you message to him.
i woke up this morning and saw he had added to the message.
that's a slice of lovey-dovey life.
ps. garrett's handwriting looks like a girls. cool.
lyrics: you have my attention. like a shout through an empty sanctuary.