January 25, 2013

riddle me this.

someecards.com - Get well soon so that I find you attractive again
i think garrett whispers this to me as i take my coma naps throughout the day.

it's okay, garrett. it's mutual. i disgust myself.

every single time i'm sick i find myself asking a multitude of questions. 
and i don't think i'm alone in this. 
because every single time garrett is sick he asks a buttload of questions, too. at first i thought he had so many questions because he had never really been sick before. 
(truly. i'm not just saying that. his first real fever was when he was 19 after he kissed me when i was not yet entirely recovered from having strep. he hit a whopping 106 and probably should have died or lost all of his hair or something. but he didn't. he might not be human. to this day, he has never thrown up from natural causes. only once from the gallon challenge.) but the fact of the matter is, i think there are a lot of unanswered questions when it comes to being sick.

anyways, without further adieu. 

what is it about being sick that makes the grease glands on my head go into overdrive? when i'm well and whole, i can go 5 days without needing to wash my hair, 7 days if i get a little help from my dry shampoo/cornstarch friends. but the minute i start to feel under the weather, my hair goes from clean and acceptable to the inside of a used Denny's skillet in about 3 hours flat. WHY?!

why does almost every liquid medication taste like radioactive fluid? have the people at Nyquil never been ill? don't they know that if i'm taking liquid medication it's not because i long for the days of being 9 years old when i was too scared to take capsulated medication? don't they know that it's because my throat is too swollen/sore for me to swallow a pill? sure, it's a good night's (and better part of the morning/early afternoon) sleep, but that taste is a heavy price to pay.

why does being sick make brushing my teeth a task equal in effort to climbing Everest? i like to think it's a way my body takes care of other people by keeping them at a safe and respectful distance so as not to subject them to the illness. but it's probably more to do with the fact that no matter how vigorously or long i brush for, i will still have that nasty sick taste in my mouth. or because i just don't give a rat's crack. 

why has no one invented a fever suit? all i want is an article of clothing (something similar to a Snuggie, i would imagine) that heats up to hellish temperatures and then quickly cools down to arctic levels just as quickly as my fever can spike and break. too much to ask? 

why are there so many dang strains of influenza and the common cold and strep throat and blah blah blah? i mean...is it really fair to make one person experience the same thing over and over and over again? and for serious i had the swine flu, people. does that mean nothing? why do i not get to just pass go and collect $200 and never have to suffer the flu again? I SURVIVED THE SWINE FLU. and i didn't even get a lousy t-shirt for doing so. AND i still have to be subject to the regular kinds of flu, too. so lame.

anyways, there are a few of the questions i lay in bed and ask myself as i drift off into fever dreams about my sister, her dog and i being trapped in the cave of wonders from Alaadin. 

true story.


lyrics: fever dreams can only haunt you 'til the fever breaks.


  1. Ok, first of all, bald Garrett = hilar.

    Second, greasy heads, what is that?! I've noticed it too. On myself.

    Third, pregnancy dreams and fever dreams might be on the same plane of cray. Last night I dreamt a SUPER vivid dream that I was being chased around my parents' house by all manner of dinosaurs. I woke up with the sweats, obviously, and then I was convinced, in my delirious state, that there were snakes in the bed.

  2. Get well soon dear!

    P.S. I am a grease head 365 days a year. So I have to wash it at least that many times a year. Boo.

  3. haha gosh it sucks bein sick. hope that works out for ya :) cute blog though! just found ya through a friend.



  4. haha i love this post! I was sick last week and after I took a shower I was EXHAUSTED honestly i laid in bed the rest of the day! How silly! your blog is darling!!


    1. it's so true! showering is sooo tiring when you're sick. i don't get it! so glad you're following!

  5. A fever suit sounds brilliant! You should totally invent that. Feel better soon!

  6. Kate, just found your blog over from "A Royal Daughter" love the blog name, i have "eloquent in my blog title too, and your post. hope you get better soon! my blog: http://myeloquentrambles.blogspot.com

  7. Seriously intense questions :) get to feeling better!!

  8. So many questions I wish I knew the answer to! Hope you feel better soon m'love!!