May 17, 2012

sometimes i want to scream. or cry. or jump a cliff.

am i the only person that thinks Pitbull looks like Dr. Evil?
the answer is no, because i just googled it and i didn't even have to finish typing it out.

and there it is. can't lie. i'm pretty thrilled with that google result.
i'm procrastinating. because i have a butt load of crap (name that movie) to write about but i'm still so trying to recuperate  from it all.
whatever. enough of my whining.

it all started 5 (ish) short weeks ago.
my mom asked me if i would mind someone borrowing my wedding dress.
i honestly have no clue how it all happened after that, but boy did it happen.
i really don't remember how or when or why it all took place, but one minute i was agreeing to letting some girl wear my wedding dress, the next i'm agreeing to do her hair and makeup for the wedding and then BAM-i'm planning the wedding, throwing the bridal shower and yes, traveling down to florida to PHOTOGRAPH the big day.
what the?!

and you want to know the best/worst part of it all?
i volunteered for it.
because apparently i am far more masochistic and or insane than i ever knew.

but seriously. are you overwhelmed yet?
because the memory of it all is seriously overwhelming me.
so by all means, let's keep going.

yes, yes.
i essentially planned, executed and serviced an entire wedding.
and by i, i mean my mom, too. she was just as involved, just as volunteer-y and just as consumed by it all, too.
what's that they say about apples and trees.
oh, right. they're  both certifiable.
or something like that.

i really could write a book about the events of  the past week.
but i shant do that.
i will just summarize it as best i can.

first i would like to mention that i did not know the bride at all 2 months ago.
i had briefly met her last summer. and by briefly, i mean-a walk by "hi, nice to meet you".
her name is Natalia but everyone calls her Nati. she was born and raised in brazil and moved to the U.S. less than a year ago and lived with her sister. she met a boy named Hayden at a church activity. they started dating. they fell in love. they got engaged.
Hayden's mom is in my mom's ward (at church) and i have known her for a while through various churchy things.
and that is how it all came about.
Nati and Hayden only had a 6 week engagement because her parents were in the states (from brazil) for the birth of her niece and it was easier to just kill two birds with one stone.
(there's a good chance my mom and i are the "two birds" of which i speak.)

anyways, Nati is a beautiful, wonderful and incredibly kind girl. her mother-in-law is a fantastic woman and in all reality, it was really nice getting to know them both.

that being said, i nearly lost my shiz last week.
one night, i only slept an hour. and it wasn't even peaceful sleep, because oh, don't worry, gilly only ate a toad (or something) and got herself miserably and terrifyingly sick and she stopped eating and started puking. so yes, the day of the bridal shower i was co-hosting with my mother, the shower i had stayed up until nearly dawn to prepare for, i took gilly to the vet and got her tested and poked and injected and hydrated and then booked it back to my house for a "shower" (aka dry shampoo and perfume) and then back out to my parent's house just in time for the bridal shower to start.

that pattern of chaos set the tone for the entire week/weekend and yes, at one point i did stand in a hotel room, makeup brush in hand, as 4 brazilian women shouted at each other(loudly) about whether or not Nati's makeup was too dark for her face. (since this is my blog and i can say whatever i want, i would just like to say that her makeup was, in fact, a perfect match and in no way was it too dark. it was lovely. but whatever. sure, let's put a color entitled "alabaster" on a tan, brazilian beauty.) and yes, her car did get a flat tire, and yes i did have to drive those 4 shouting brazilian women to her bridal photo shoot. and yes, i did have to book it back into town to give her fiance a haircut and yes, i did have to do her mother in law's hair and makeup. and her bridesmaid's. and then hers again once she showed up (20 minutes later) for the reception. and yes, i did nearly scream when people kept asking her questions and she kept answering and i kept trying to ever-so-delicately apply lip liner.

and there's a good chance i locked the door to the room i was working in at the church/reception venue and curled up in a ball and held back tears of anxiety and stress. and then my mom came in and rather than cry, we laughed at all our foolishness.

and so it was another night for 4 hours of sleep followed by a drive down to Orlando to attend the wedding and to do Nati's hair and makeup once again. and then i took off the cosmetologist hat and put on my photographer hat and had a miserable time trying to capture the sweet memories of that wedding day. and i know that the pictures blow. and i know that i'm not a good photographer. and i know that there's a very good chance that both Nati and Hayden will judge the snot out of me for the piss poor pictures i took. and really, that's fine. because i assure you i am judging myself plenty, too for even thinking for a millisecond that i could tackle something like wedding photography.
wedding photography that included no one wanting to participate, the brightest sun i have ever stood beneath and a bride, beautiful as she was, who was just as done with the whole "wedding" thing as i was and bless her heart, was not the most cooperative. but she was beautiful. always beautiful. and always sweet.

but oy, i have to stop.
or pop some prozac. because i think i just grew a new zit from typing all of that out and reliving it once more.

anyways, that's the story.
i assure you i will be referencing this event for many posts to come because srsly.
it was sort of a big deal.
and tomorrow's Triple A Friday will be rich.
that's a promise.
because the only words that came out of my mouth more than " i..doing this?" were "don't think i won't blog about this."

until then.
thank you for loving me through my anxiety and sleep deprivation.
love to you all.


lyrics:  keep it real, keep it simple and somehow just get out of bed.


  1. Hey, there, Wonder-woman! Seriously, at "borrow your dress" I was the end of the paragraph I was laughing out loud (and crying a little bit, out of sympathy). That sounds both super-stressful and super-fun. But you know what, I'll bet you made her wedding day fantastic, especially since she had so little time to plan it.

  2. I did not bear the brunt of the chaos, but I will say that I had my own fair share of stress associate with this wedding for people I hardly know (the M-I-L) and people I've yet to meet (the rest of the clan; and quite frankly after choosing tangerine orange and celedon blue for your wedding colors, I'm not sure I have any interest in meeting you...Brazilian or not). I agreed at the same time of said "can she maybe borrow your wedding dress" conversation at the beginning of April to finish the hems of "a few table runners and table toppers"...and then comes the end of April when I get the worst fabric known to man and the addition of oh, you know, 60 chair ties that each took no less than 6 minutes to completely serge (so let me make that math simple for you--that's 6 hrs of sewing time just on chair ties, not to mention the 3+ hrs it took me to the other table topper things; not to mention that re-threading a serger is likely to take more attempts before success than it did to get a man on the moon. So I spent a good 12 hrs of just sewing.) And then had to overnight them because, reality says I don't have 12 hrs to dedicate to chair ties. And I won't even go into the fact that this wretched fabric did in fact leave my serger looking like a muppet blew up inside of it and left its remains all over my carpet. All I have to say is for being 400 miles away, I still got roped in pretty good...Praise be to the higher powers for letting me live in Atlanta instead!

  3. Hahaha oh my gosh! I never made the connection before but they do look a like!!


  4. I adore your blog. So that is by I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! Lovely. Have a wonderful day.

  5. Holy crap!! You really are wonder woman. I couldn't even fathom doing all that for my own wedding. (Hence why my wedding was definitely on the simple side.) You are so so sweet!