April 18, 2012

public humiliation.

i don't quite know how to explain all of this.
one minute i was getting my daily hit of blog reading.
the next, i found myself loving the post over at two smuppies about how gloriously messy her car is and then reading that i, too, could join in on this link up and display all my car crap on the interweb.
and then bam.
there i was, standing outside taking pictures of the inside of Fritz.
i assure you this all happened almost entirely without me thinking about it.
that's proven by the fact that i didn't even have enough time/thought to change the lens on my camera.

and now here i am.
posting about Fritz and flaunting his filth (such lovely alliteration) with pictures that are way too zoomed in. (but again, i was a woman possessed and was not in the right mind set to remove my 50mm lens.)

please do not judge too harshly as you peep into my car.
my husband will be doing enough of that.
because he, of course, hates being in dirty cars the way i hate people ignorant spelling errors. (seriously though. i'm going to start a movement that is all to do with people knowing the difference between your and you're and there, their and they're.)

i'm procrastinating. let's get this over with
starting with the middle console. cue embarrassment.

okay. so here we have a zoomed in, semi-artistic view of the middle console.
1) my birthday card from my mom. any birthday card that involves joking about taking anti-depressants gets an A++. because let's face it. if you can't laugh about depression then you'll just cry. and  i presume cards intended to make people cry don't sell. 
2) an ugly clip. i have nearly one million of these suckers and i use them while i'm doing hair-to keep foils in place, to keep hair in place while i'm foiling, to indicate which foils have color as opposed to bleach, to keep my bangs out of my face while i'm doing hair, etc. they're terribly ugly, but they hold my fine, silky bangs far better than bobbie pins and so yes, i do occasionally go out in public with my bangs pushed back in one. usually it's because i forgot.  sometimes i remember and i take it out really fast while i'm still in the car.
3) phone charger. because in my mind a dead phone=a dead kate.
4) a rubber band. it's a security thing. i also always have one on my wrist. i just. i can't not.
5) hospital bracelet from my MRI. it remains in my car because i'm deeply sentimental i've apparently been too lazy to even acknowledge it was there until the moment i took this picture.
6) gilly fur. it's practically the entire interior of my car now.

1) Naked mango juice smoothie. delicious. and at this point, probably rancid. mmm..bottoms up.
2) empty cup of what once was water. i could take it inside. but then i would have to clean it.
3) there's not a person alive who ever believe me, but i swear i only get route 44 cups of water from sonic. yes, there was a time when i would get diet coke/dr. pepper and i would love every carbonated aspertame sip. but these days it's just water. but people judge me just the same...
4) you can't see it well, but it's anywhere between 2 and 4 pieces of old gum that have sat in my hot car for too long and have consequently begun to bubble. garrett, i believe, considers this foul. i consider it science. and who is he to keep me from learning?

 the door slots:

1) there are crumbs in there. and i don't know how to remove them. any suggestions would be lovely.
2) tithing slip. no clue how long it's been there, but probably a while.
3) insurance. i make sure to keep it in a place i won't lose it.
4) the jetta manual. it's full of pictures and german words and sometimes i use it to endorse checks or fill out bank deposit slips.
5) oh, look! bank deposit slips.

1) pass along card. i'm pretty holy. i think that's fairly obvious by now.
2) another ugly hair clip i often forget is in my hair.
3) car wipes. note: they are not essentially the same thing as baby wipes. do not "wash" hands with them.
 oh, also-i got those when i first got my car. in 2006.

behind the back seat-passenger side.

1) febreze home spray. i don't know why it's in there, but i use it when gilly gets gassy. and that happens to be every time she rides in the car with me. convenient, no?
2) tax crap. when tax business is over-it's over. and i stop caring the minute i walk out of H&R block and i don't care again until the next year's tax season. so i think it's safe to assume this envelope will remain in my car until next february-ish.
3) wal mart bran wheat thins. i may or may not have eaten the whole box in one day.
4) oh, what? you want a sweater knit out of gilly's fur. no problem. let me grab my loom and the entire back seat of my car and i'll just whip that up for you.

3 behind the seat driver's side:

1) a gallon of distilled water. i bought it to use in cleaning my airbrush makeup gun with...but it was heavy. and i don't make two trips with groceries. it goes against everything lazy i believe in.

 the back seat:

1) a pillow that i initially put in my car so i wouldn't have to sit on the cold, uncomfortable metal chair at work for a week while i was in training. that was in august.
2) my most favorite hoodie of all time. it was kind of cool the other day. and then i got hot.
3) the "leash" they gave me at the vet when i took gilly in for her rabies shot. i forgot her real one. but not to worry. they provided me with a leash that also doubles as dental floss. two-for!
4) more fur. i fear the interior of my lungs might look the same.

and behold. the trunk.

1) an umbrella garrett and i borrowed from our landlord back in august. gilly peed on it. i'm still debating on whether or not i should give it back to him.
2) my book bag. (yes, book bag. not back pack. and most definitely not a pack pack. someone shoot me.) it is full of humiliating amounts of crap like 2 forks and a knife and a brownie pan.
3) hangers. and they're in just the tangled position that guarantees i will never touch them. i loathe hangers.
4) a loud air pump. i used it on a bike. once.
5) harry potter cassette tapes. because fritz kicks it old school with his tape-deck and i occasionally rock out to some HP.
6) christmas cards that never got sent. next year? we'll see.
7) some sort of particle board that smells for reasons i'm too nervous to investigate.
8) a vase. there were two. now there's just one and shards of glass.
9) my super cute pea coat. because you never know when you're going to need a fancy coat in april in the south. (actually, you do know. it's never.)

so there it is.
Fritz and all his messy innerds.
i do hope you enjoyed. and be sure to link up with Crystal  and let us peep into your car, too.

Two Smuppies


lyrics:  seat belts and parking breaks are just obstacles on our course we'll have to get around somehow.                                                                       


  1. Seriously... that was hilarious. I literally laughed out loud a couple times and I don't usually do that while I'm reading blog posts.

  2. Ok, my question is why was this not a post waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy back when you had creeepy looking mannequin heads in the back seats and trunk of your car? Because I still have a vivid picture in my mind of you opening your trunk to put something in and suddenly glass eyes were starring me down, and she had wild and crazy hair, too! Disturbing! That would have been something to blog about! :)

    P.s. have you been in my car lately? We gotst all sorts of science projects up in there.

  3. haha I'm loving the gum science experiment! And the hair rubberbands for security reasons. I am the same way. I even sleep with one on my wrist because... I may have a hair emergency in the middle of the night?? Also, I feel SO much better about still having Christmas cards that I never sent...thank you. :)

    I thought my car was pretty good, but it's actually pretty boring! Thanks for linking up with us!!:)