bandaids.

i realize it is not tuesday.

i really had no intentions of only blogging once last week. 

but let's just get down to brass tacks and say that i have a serious issue with technological devices breaking on me.

i don't know how many cell phones i have had in my lifetime. several.

my pink computer crashed over the summer and left me with nothing but a blue screen of death. 

i took it to geek squad and they removed the virus from my computer and gave it back to me whole and new. 

and without anything on it. 

i don't mean just without my pictures and music. 

i mean everything.

i'm talking you turn that bad boy on and a blank, black screen comes up. and that's it.

it is a computer in it's most basic form.

with absolutely no programs on it.

at all.

they told me i needed to download the recovery program to get windows and everything that we associate with a computer back on there. 

ironic, isn't it?

i have to download a program?

are you kidding? the only thing this computer can do is serve as a quasi mirror.

so my mom kindly let me borrow (on a semi permanent scale) her old computer.

and that is what i have been using ever since. 

until it met a slight demise by way of power cord.

you see, the computer was old.

and it could only function while it was plugged into the wall.

which was fine with me.

except that the manufacturers neglected to reinforce the cord in the area that plugs into the computer.

last week that piece broke off. 

and consequently, that computer is yet another reflective surface and nothing more.

so i can pretty much only be on a computer while garrett is at work.

le sigh.

now i'm at a loss. i don't think cords to that computer are just sold at best buy these days.

like i said, it was my mom's old computer.

and best buy is way too hip to the groove of mac products to be selling old things like that anymore.

so i'm left with my phone and my nook.

but it's a little difficult to blog on either.

so i pray you will forgive me. 

hopefully i will figure out a solution and be back to ranting on about useless information in no time.

until then.

let's jam.

this past week (all technology aside) was...interesting. 

on more than one occasion i was taken back to a time when i listened to some of the most meaningful music in my life.

it was the music that hurt when i hurt and expressed it in a way i have always been deficient. 

a few weeks ago when i instated this tune in tuesday thing, i  gave an example of how music speaks not just to me, but for me.
in my freshman year of college i was lucky enough to live less than 5 minutes away from my older sister.
of course i didn't see her nearly as much as i should have.
after all, i was a freshman in college.
and not just that, but a freshman in college who was taking 18 credits a semester and experiencing friends and "freedom" (not that my parents ever smothered me..but you get it) for the first time.
regardless, i regret not seeing her more often.
but i did love seeing her.
and she and i had some really spectacular times together.
and despite my poor friendship skills, she always felt comfortable confiding in me.
and sometimes the things she told me broke my heart.
she had been married a few years.
in fact, i think she was then, at the point in her marriage i am at now.
and she was experiencing life.
and sometimes life sucks.

and i wanted to take away all of that suck from her.
because she was always so capable of doing that for me.
but i didn't know how. i couldn't cure her. i couldn't change her situation.
if i had had money of my own i would have given it to her.
if i had a way to press my hand to her heart and give her joy i would have done it.

it was a sad reality for me. to see someone i loved so much so sad.
i just wanted to fix it.
i wanted to fix her.

i am sure i am not alone in feeling this way towards someone.
i believe it is a natural side effect of love.

one night i heard a song that summed it all up and said it all for me.
it inspired me to make her a cd.
and i'll tell you, maybe it's a gift. maybe it's coincidence, but when i feel there is no other way for me to speak but through music, the music flows to me like water downhill. it just comes to me. i remember songs, i remember lyrics. it just comes to me.
and so it did that night as i made my sister that cd.
(i love how old school that sounds. i feel like i should put a wikipedia reference link to what a cd is..)

and this week, my sister and i talked again.
and i was reminded of that cd i made her.
and i wished i could make it for her again.
little did i know that later only a few days later i would be needing to listen to that music myself.
because like i said,
sometimes life sucks.
and no one is exempt.
and this week proved that. to both of us.

so it is with much apprehension and some trepidation that i present to you this playlist.
it's something special to me.
i've had it for 6 years now and i have listened to it a lot.
mostly when i'm sad and missing my sister.
 i have continued to add to the list songs that speak better than i know how.
it's kind of scary to throw it out like this.
i suppose it could easily be seen as something cheesy.
but here's to hoping that someone else can be healed, even just a little, by it.

it's not an instant cure, but it's a good bandaid.
a musical bandaid.

love,
kate.

lyrics: sail on silver girl...all your dreams are on their way.