September 19, 2011

lost, lost, lost.

i'm going to try real hard not to let my blog entries get depressing.
if it begins to happen, tell me and i will crush up one of my prozac, sprinkle it over my keyboard like the ashes of a loved one and then wait 4-6 weeks for it to get better.

or i'll just post a picture of my gilly dog. because she brightens any day.
the fact of the matter is i'm going through some tough stuff right now.
and i don't really know why.
just another one of those times, i suppose.

i just feel so absent from everything.
ever since starting my job, i haven't felt normal.
every day seems to be a bad one. (except for my days off, of course.)
i can't seem to get myself out of a sad mood.
and every day i find myself missing.
why am i always missing?

i just miss utah.
and friends.
i really miss friends.

i love being married so much. i really, really do.

but sometimes i go back to the days of living at campus view south #5 and i miss it so much.
i miss having my best friend, brittany live in the basement of our apartment.
i miss kendyl being my neighbor and sitting on her stoop.
i miss sitting at the kitchen table with ashley.
i miss doing hair in my bedroom with bree.
(and having daniel wash my hair in the bathtub)
i miss walks around all of provo for hours each night.
i miss bon fires in the canyon.
i miss the dollar theater.
i miss byu.

le sigh.

i'll shut up now.
because i'm getting sappy and lame.
and stupid.
i'm just being stupid.
and overly-reminiscent.

forgive me.
please forgive me.
and stay with me while i get my life back together.


lyrics: and now all i can see are white stars, they span forever.


  1. girl, i'm SO with you. even though i live in salt lake i've seen friends one time cause we're all too poor to travel. it sucks. i feel you! hang in you!

  2. Utah missed you back!!! Especially me!!!! Fall is the worst time to be away from Provo I think because its so great in the fall. I love you and miss you!!!

  3. Well helloooo I sure miss your cute face and getting my hair done. I think you should save up and come visit soon! Love you doll!

  4. I feel exactly the same way. It's not just you. Sometimes I'm mad at the world for isolating me so far away from my carefree Provo days.