August 19, 2010

sticks and stones

i took a break.

but i'm back.

and i'm ready to catch up a bit.

apparently my dear tess has decided to not do this blog thing with me afterall.

and i completely respect that.

but i'm not really one for quitting.

and i think i'm capable of putting my own twist on things i wouldn't normally write about.

the show must go on.

first, i will share my favorite blog.

while i do love to blogstalk my friends, i must say that my favorite blog is the frist one i ever read.

i own two of the books that were made from postsecret.

a new post is put up every sunday and i look at them religiously.

the jist, for those who don't know what it is, is that it's an outlet for people to share their deepest and darkest secrets-secrets they have never told anyone or secrets they have never told a particular person.

yes, i have sent in my own.

yes, you can do the same.

now i'm supposed to write a letter to someone i hate or who has caused me a lot of pain.

i'll be honest, i don't hate anyone.

i'll be honest, i have been hurt.

i'll be honest, i don't want to re-hash.

but i will write this.

dear 17 year old boy,

you probably don't know who you are.

you were 17 and i was 10.

i was tall and gangly and suffering the consequences of puberty.

you were a typical 17 year old jerk.

you decided to tell me i was fat.

i decided to believe you.

you told me people would not like me if i was fat.

i told myself you were right.

that was 12 years ago.

i don't think you've given that moment a thought since it happened.

rare are the days that i don't think about that moment.

most of the painful parts of my life are behind me.

the hurtful situations i was once in are now just a part of my past.

but this..

this converstion.

these words.

those feelings.

they haunt me.

i forgive you, 17 year old boy.

sometimes i forget that it was even you that said those things to me.

it's not really even you that hurt me.

but your words..

they have ruined me.

they have broken me.

they have become a part of me.

i define myself by those words.

they are the words i read every time i see myself.

dear 17 year old boy,

i hope you are well.

i hope you never know how much pain you caused me.

because i know you are a good and decent person now.

i just want you and every other person who may ever read this entry to know how much impact your words can have.

as strange as it sounds, i don't know who i would be without you, 17 year old boy.

and as weird as it may be, you will always be a part of me.

thank you for helping me know how i want to treat people.

i mean that.

thank you.



lyrics: i'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones than the words you say to me. 'cause i know bruises heal and cuts will seal-but your words beat the life out of me.

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