January 21, 2010

new mother seeking work.

as it turns out, jobs are not easy to find right now.

maybe that is stating the obvious.

but this is really getting a little out of hand.

in these hard times, i've been considering some unique and highly overlooked careers.

here is what i have come up with thus far.

-i could be my own version of merry maids. maybe "broke and getting married maid"?
after all, i am that creeper who looks through medicine cabinets and i think i would really enjoy snooping around people's houses in the name of a job.

-bikini car washing. yes, it is utah. yes, it is january. yes, it is freezing. and no, i don't own a bikini. but i could consider it an investment and use my pending pneumonia as a reason for people to feel bad and ask me to wash their car.

-body sales. so i'm a girl. and i have girl organs. and my body does girl things. and while i do plan on having children sometime in the future, my eggs are of no use to me right now. why not sell them? a couple thousand an egg ain't bad. and i feel i would make cute babies. [i mean...i've never made a baby...but i have a hamster. and he's dang cute.] also, i have plasma and bone marrow that are up for grabs to anyone who is willing to pay a small price. also, i have two very healthy kidneys, i don't think i need my whole liver, i have about 93 feet of intestine [give or take] and i suppose i could give* an eyeball, a foot, some teeth and possibly an entire ovary if the price is right.
[*by give, i clearly mean sell]

-dog walking. i'm pretty sure i love dogs more than i love most people. it's cold outside and most people don't enjoy being outside in this chilly weather. and yet these dogs need to be walked. and if that is the case, i am more than willing to step up. i would love to to walk someone's dog for a monetary compensation. mostly because i think we all know i will end up stealing the dog. forever.

okay. so that's all i can remember off the top of my head.
but i have discovered a few new talents. perhaps they could be of use.

i am good at applying eye drops for other people.

i make great pancakes and syrup.

i can have a very understandable and meaningful conversation using nothing more than movie quotes.

i can forfeit blinking for an entire guitar hero song.

i am pretty much incredible at scrabble.

and i can survive on nothing more than costco samples.

but enough of my no-job rambling.

like i said, i have a hamster.

i was getting baby hungry so garrett bought us a hamster.

his name is einstein and i love him a lot.[though he's been nibbling a bit harshly lately.]

but he is smart and he is cute. and he sleeps a lot [like his mommy]

and he is pretty stinking precious when he rolls around the kitchen in his ball while i cook dinner.

what else?

i got my hair extensions for the wedding.

i've been using my recipe box i made.

i've become addicted to 24. great...

i've been trying to plan my wedding....blah

and i have come to the conclusion that...

i'm not so good at it.

any suggestions on reception venues in palm springs, california?

any suggestions for a honeymoon location that won't beckon our bad luck?

any suggestions for bridesmaid dresses?

i'm overwhelmed again. i have to go cry to garrett about how stressed i am.




lyric:i wake up to find it's another 4 aspirin morning and i dive in.
i put on the same clothes i wore yesterday.
when did society decide that we have to change
or wash a t-shirt after every individual use?
if it's not dirty, i'm gonna wear it.
i take the stairs to the car and there's fog on the windows
i need caffeine in my bloodstream
i take caffeine in the bloodstream
i grip the wheel and all at once I realize...
my life has become a boring pop song and everyone's singing along.

1 comment:

  1. hey so i think jobs are overrated, please never sell your organs, and lets craft together because i will soon be unemployed. yes?