February 10, 2009

i'll take a clean slate with a side of second chance.

i have a few regrets in my life.
some things i wish i could do differently.
i wish i had attempted to develop some talent while i was younger.
i wish i hadn't let a few select boys kiss me.
i wish i had bought this incredible pair of jeans that looked awesome and were on sale.
seriously. why didn't i buy them?
sometimes i wish i hadn't ever cut my long, long hair.
but not nearly as much as i wish i had bought those jeans...
i wish i had formed better friendships in high school.
i regret some things.
some things that, try as i might, i cannot change.
i regret being selfish with someone.
i regret being vain and stupid and "thinking" [if you can call it that]i wanted more.
adding to that, i regret assuming that even if there were more, that more would want me too.
i regret letting my insecurities get the best of me.
i regret assuming the worst of people to justify those insecurities.
i regret not giving it everything i had.
holding back.
being afraid of the future.
i regret that i only complained to the Lord and to everyone around me and never took the time to thank the Lord or to brag to those people about all the wonderful things i had.
i regret "thinking", for a small amount of time, that being done was what i wanted.
there is nothing further from the truth.
i regret letting myself get confused.
i regret letting it go.
i regret not fighting harder when it would have made a difference.
i regret not loving more instead of expecting more.
i regret not realizing how dumb i was.
i regret not realizing how happy i was.
i regret not doing more when i could have.
because i could have.

i guess we all have some regrets.
i cannot say that i have fixed any of these things.
but i can say that i am trying.
and that i am sorry.
i am trying.
and that's the best that i can do.
i am learning.
and i'm grateful for the lessons.
hard as they may be, i am grateful.
i hope there is forgiveness.

don't worry, mom. i'm fine. i promise. i just needed to let it out. promise.



lyric:i'm sorry for the person i became. i'm sorry that it took so long for me to change. i'm ready to be sure i never become that way again. 'cause who i am hates who i've been.-relient k

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